Update: 1st February 2010
Dear friends,
I am being exceedingly comforted by your overwhelming response, your reactions, SMS, e-mails, by your interest in my health status, by your persistent prayers, and also by the fact that you experience a prayerful fellowship among yourselves, which brings you much encouragement of your faith. I am stunned when I consider the truthfulness of a paradoxical biblical principle that God’s power is manifested in human weakness.
Following unexpected complications, which occurred this past Sunday (high blood pressure – diagnosed for the first time in my life, plus swollen ankles and legs), I went to see my physician right away on Monday Jan 25th. By then the situation appeared no longer dramatic, I was prescribed some new medicine, and the blood count appeared to be fine overall. A few body parts have shown some signs of very slight inflammation. It should not be very serious, but the caution is that I may be overwhelmed by an infection.
I pray that I may be able to prevail. I should be following closely my body temperature and in the case of fever I should contact my physician. It is important that my albumin/protein levels are fine, levels of paraprotein are decreasing and following the two chemotherapies the disease activity has decreased by two thirds since the beginning of the treatment. My kidneys, the organs most endangered by the disease activity in my body, appeared to
be fine, thanks be to God. I take my medication regularly on time, I also drink a lot (4 liters of liquids per day). It seems that a systematic diligence pays off. I have received a third round of chemotherapy on Tuesday Jan 26th, i.e. one day early than originally planned.
I write to you only today (Jan 28th) because my struggle with the disease gets more demanding day by day. A count of malignant cells in my bone marrow decreases. However, the devastation of my body due to chemotherapy goes on. And that is wearing me off. Sometimes I find it hard to do the very basic activities, but at other times I am feeling better. I feel that at this moment the therapy is killing me more than the disease itself, but the liquidation of tumor cells has to go on and the side effects are a natural part of such a process. I am very pleased that my primary care physician has offered a new “biological” medication Myrin (thalidomide). It is an expensive drug, which was introduced in this country only recently, and it increases efficiency of current treatments. It also offers better life expectation. Myrin has an anti-myeloma effect and offers toxic effect targeted at malignant cells. That means that it affects the cancer cells rather than the healthy ones. However, taking Myrin is associated with serious side effects. In that regard I expect more complications on the way and I get myself ready for a fight with another kind of pain.
Every day I experience that „Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.“ (Lamentation 3:22). Each day I may expect something good from the Lord.
Therefore I pray that I would never blame the Lord for anything. Because He is in heaven, while I am only here on earth. I do not want to be counted with men who keep crying over their destiny, but ever fail to cry for their sins.
I learn to give thanks to God for everything and notice how through His sovereign acting His good and perfect will is being fulfilled. For to give thanks to Him is what He desires. To give thanks means to say ‘yes’ to what God gives and does, or to what He does not give or what He may take away.
When our will is not aligned with that of God, and when our imagination stands in conflict with God’s plan, we find how much we depend on our own things and on our life. And that brings fear, anger and a grieving Spirit. I consider it much wiser and safer to keep my life in the hands of Lord Jesus Christ rather in mine. How blessed it is to submit to the Lord!
I thank God that I do not need to be dreaming, with sadness, about how beautiful that would be if I were alive and well, because I know that what I experience now is only a light suffering in comparison with the glory, which He has prepared for us (although sometimes it may be hard). „Forour light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.“ (2 Cor 4:17-18).
From time to time I recall the passage from the 11th chapter of Hebrews, which describes the lives of men and women of faith. It is a source of encouragement to me and it brings the peace within. Some „through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies.
Women received back their dead, raised to life again …“ (Hebrews 11:33-35). Others, however, (although they too had faith) „ … were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection. Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison.
They were stoned; they were sawn in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and ill-treated- the world was not worthy of them.
They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground …“ (Hebrews 11:35- 38).
Some were victorious, others were losing. Some have gained, others had lost, some have conquered, others were leaving. Some were saved, others have suffered. Some survived, others died. The Lord God decides, in which category I belong. Whatever the outcome, I will receive the best care. I wish to seek what is in God’s plan for me TODAY. I do not search for things God has not revealed, but I want to be faithful in what He has (in Scriptures). I am thankful that even in my serious disease I may somehow serve the people to faith and love in Christ (precisely speaking, God’s Spirit does that on my behalf).
With thankfulness for the salvation in Christ and for your brotherly love,
Daniel
Update: 26th January 2010
Dear friends,
I can see that the saying “a friend in need is a friend indeed” is really true. I can see with new gratitude and amazement how many friends I have who wish for me to be happy. I can feel I am carried by your prayers. Your love, concern and willingness to help lift me up. “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17). May God abundantly bless you for what you are doing for me.
Today (on January 18, 2010) I went for a check at the hematology ward. It was a routine check which was supposed to show the latest results of the multiple myeloma treatment. Here are several objective, and mostly positive facts: My condition has significantly improved. I am still at the very beginning of my treatment, but the activity of the illness has fallen by more than 50 % – a considerable improvement! There is a greater number of red blood cells and there has been a further decrease in paraprotein, malignant monoclonal immunoglobulins. Although this has led to a decrease in the number of “normal” white blood cells, the decrease is only limited, so the overall immunity of my body has been reduced only little. I thank my God for this grace. I still need to be careful about contact with people infected with a viral disease. My next, third chemotherapy will be on Wednesday, January 27.
Side effects are the most unpleasant part of the treatment. For over a week after the last dose of cytostatics, I had a health crisis. People say that chemotherapy will either kill the cancer or the patient. On some of the hard days, I was often thinking of what a brutal and fierce battle must have been going on in my body. I was feeling sick, kept sweating and even suffered from a temporary vision impairment – I was unable to read without a magnifying glass. But I am learning to use the moments thanks to which I can prevent the occurrence of certain health complications. The last few days, I have been feeling much better. The pain in my bones is much weaker, I can move with greater confidence and, thanks to the radical and supportive treatment, I have a general feeling that I am gradually recovering. I am really happy about that.
· I am happy that now I can spend more time with God, read His Word systematically, pray, and try to seek His will truly and earnestly. “The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul that seeks him.” (Lamentation 3:25)
· I enjoy every day I receive from the Lord as an extension of my life. My life is a day longer, not shorter, every day I wake up! And at the end of my days, I will meet the resurrected Lord who is awaiting me!
· Although, from the medical point of view, my situation is getting better, I continue to look at life from the perspective of a man fighting a fatal illness. It allows me to enjoy even more the fact that I am building my life on the grace of my Lord Jesus and that my hope is not only in this life.
· The Lord fulfills some of my prayers and works in my life without me needing to “lift a finger”. God acts while the landlord sleeps. (Mark 4: 26–29)! I am not able, but He is able! I can put myself in His hands, confide in Him, give my concerns to Him and let go.
· I stick to God’s promises and I am happy that “whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord” (Romans 14:8). I look at things from the perspective of eternity and try to judge every human desire for things to “be fine” spiritually. God’s idea of a happy ending is often different from what we see in our imagination. I am learning not to put my hope in things turning out well, but rather in eternal life. And if everything “turns out well” also from the human perspective, praise be to the Lord.
· I do not know which path has been chosen for me, whether “to be with Christ, which is better by far” or “to remain in the body, which is more necessary for you” (see Philippians 1: 21–25). But I believe that the Lord does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone (Lamentations 3:33), that my illness has and will have a meaning, and that the Lord will somehow use it as a blessing. I believe in God who is good, merciful, kind and almighty, and who can turn evil into good. I thank you that you encourage me in this faith.
· The fight with the disease involves a long, painful and risky path which is still ahead of me, but I take courage in the words of apostle Paul who says that “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13). I am learning to understand these words in my context, that is, not only in the visible, triumphal sense of the word (“I can do everything” – win, gain, conquer, reach – have abundance and excess, be completely filled), but especially in the sense of the hidden growth in the likeness of our Lord Jesus (“I can do everything” – bear, accept, endure without grumbling and reproach – poverty, hunger, distress).
· I rejoice at the fact that I am getting better, that I have a safe harbor in my wife Maruska, that I can look for my spiritual path and spiritual values in front of and with my daughter Dorotka, that I am surrounded with the care of my blood and spiritual family, that I can feel so much willingness to help from such a wide range of friends, and I humbly pray that the Lord would grant me life.
Wishing you God’s grace,
with love,
Daniel
30th December 2009
Dear friends,
With tremendous and unconcealed joy would I again like to express my deep thankfulness to you, since for the past month you have been my faithful, sacrificial and loving companions in prayer (and also in deed) through my difficult situation, after I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. Now let me, please, inform you of my situation as it appears to stand at the moment.
This morning (Dec 28) I made a shocking experience. As I was leaving my apartment for additional blood tests I lost my balance at the third lower step of our staircase. In order to prevent a fall I have unluckily mingled my feet with my backpack’s girdle at the second lower step. As I held the backpack in front of me, immediately I “flew” headlong right down the staircase. I thank God that even in this situation, being weakened by my fight with the disease, was I able to react fully automatically, using
a parachute front roll, a skill I have mastered long before in my youth. This apparently prevented a much more serious harm. I consider this event “a little miracle”. However, the rolling down the stairs involved my most painfully afflicted body parts: the ribs, right shoulder, arms and my aching back.
For several seconds I kept laying on the ground from shock, as I have realized that suffering from multiple myeloma makes me more prone to breaking my bones, resulting in so called “pathologic fractures”, caused by osteolytic deposits in my bones. After some time I understood that I am likely without any injury, just battered and deeply shaken. Maruška, my youngest brother Konrád and my parents from Brno helped me on my feet and after a brief rest I was taken by car to the Hematology Clinic at the Charles Square in Prague without further problems.
The blood tests results are very promising. So perhaps I went successfully pass the first stage of my fight with the malicious disease. The leukocyte (white blood cells) levels decreased significantly and that is a sign that chemotherapy appears to start working. My kidneys are working fine. The support medicament therapy causes no big problems to me. Subjectively I feel much better now than I did before Christmas. Since the outbreak of an unpleasant health crisis, that has befallen me about a week ago, and during which many of you have intensified your prayer support on my behalf, my health status appeared to be rapidly improving. The Lord has upheld me indeed! Yet I have to be careful because of my weakened immunity status and being more prone to get easily tired. For that reason I will refrain for some more time from meeting larger groups of people and keep myself from heavy work load.
Another visit of doctors is scheduled for Wednesday January 6, 2010. At the same time I should receive a second batch of chemotherapy. Given no serious complications I should receive four batches of chemotherapy altogether (i.e. three more to go) in regular 3-weeks intervals. If needed, one or two batches may be still added. Should everything go well, and that is really theoretical at this point, I should undergo an autologous bone marrow transplantation sometimes in April 2010.
For the past month and at the dawn of the new year 2010 my meditations, thoughts and prayers frequently involve the following themes:
Isaiah 26:3 „You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.“
I am thankful to God that he guards my mind and heart by His peace. Your prayers have helped me in that regard so far, and I trust they will continue to do so in the future as well.
With inner peace, humility and carelessness I am able to leave to God the questions as to whether this physical suffering, caused by a serious disease and its treatment, should turn out in gradual healing or slow (and prolonged) dying instead.
I trust God as a gracious Father, to whom I can say all things and ask him for anything, but do require nothing and do not entangle myself with false hope, knowing that we live in a corrupt, fallen world and the diseases, the malicious ones in particular, destroy people’s health and shorten the lifespan.
And this is part of our earthly pilgrimage.
I believe that occasionally God provides miraculous healing, and I do pray for my own healing, but I take note of the fact that God does so only seldom and exceptionally, so I do not try to fight or be defiant to be granted an exception. By what right should I be? Why should I enjoy good health while other people die? Do we not rather find another biblical principle – to lay down our lives for the lives of others?
With my heart I want to cling to God in the first place, who is mighty and merciful, not to visible results which I would like to see, or to certain wishes which I bring before the Lord.
I desire the life which is truly abandoned to Christ, not a neurotic clinging to this or that, as if God should grant His blessing only when my faith has reached some ultimate level.
I do not want to be hypocritical so that by my mouth I would confess that I love the Lord Jesus Christ and wish to follow Him, and at the same time I should tremble with fear not to be home with the Lord all too early.
I ask the Holy Spirit for help so I would not live my life in spiritual division, i.e. in a mixture of Christian hope and pagan fear.
Should the Lord spare my life for some more time on this side of heaven, I should be appalled, would give thanks to Him and look for ways to live for His honor. And should he grant the strength and skills as well, I want to ask how may I serve my neighbor for his or her benefit according to His will.
I do not have to survive, but I need to fight the good fight of faith (1 Tim 6:12). So help me God.
With blessing,
Yours,
Daniel
